The last and only thing I remember from this morning dream is having some guy I went to high school with zipping a boot as it tightened around my right ankle while I plan a photo shoot with me as a model in my mind and trying to think how to make myself look more sexy in a straight forward way. Planning how to part my lips just so or tilt my head in a certain way and thinking, within the dream, how erotic this was.
This weekend had been very glimpsy - I can’t remember all of it, just fractions of events and emotions and sensations.
I remember walking down Alenbi street, into and out of stores buying a big plastic rose, then a very cheap bra that I only get cause it reminded me of a part in a book I read a million years ago in which a 13 year old was getting her first training bra, and this one looks a little like one of those first bras 13 year old girls buy, white with red roses on it. Then I realize I’m wearing a black skirt with big pink roses on it. I remember that one of the first drawings I did after the break up had the words “pink in the color of sadness” and I wonder if that’s still true. And I feel very pretty and girly in that outfit, and I feel on top of things, I’ve got some plans for the afternoon, a date, and I feel like I’m blending in, in the city and in this weekend and in that casual buzz of things happening around me.
Just a few hours later the head of my eldest and still very dear friend was between my lags and grasping at the bed poles, trying to keep from cumming for as long as I could, letting the amazing sensation of my entire being washed by his touch, letting hazy memories of us, playing together as children wonder into and out of my mind, thinking to myself “I can stay like this forever” and this thought at that particular moment, shaking me to a massive orgasm.Talking on the phone to a friend about the places of friends in our life then hitting revaluation after revaluation about the week that went by and that the “lets just be friend” conversation a sex partner gave me a while ago, was probably very misunderstood by me, and that though I’m trying to keep this as casual as I can, I should probably talk to him about it.