And I feel as if death is a shadow following me those days, like a heavy cloud of formalin, but at that point I welcome it, as I welcome all my emotions. And the music changes, the last very sad song of that album wane as it skips to 5 different version of NIN “closer” and then black rage kicks in, anger, anger enough to want to destroy things, to delete things, I’m imagining myself painting a large black X on the wall, and I smile.
And I go down Ha’chashmal street, which I love, nothing’s there, not houses not people, it’s all shallow like a projection like a virtual reality 3d surrounding that’s not even touchable. And I sing with the music “I want to fuck you like an animal, I want to you from the inside” and I don’t even know if I’m singing it or want it to be sang to me.
It’s as if I’m shading my skin, one emotion after another until nothing is left and my heart feel like it was chiseled from black obsidian, all shiny and cool in my chest. A women’s talking to me in the traffic light, but I can’t hear what she say, her witch face and toothless mouth moves, but I don’t know what she’s saying. 2 Russian punks askers me for a cigarette, 2 skinheads drug dealers sits in a fancy car on Ha’chaluzim street, waiting. As I come closer to home I feel easy, I feel weightless, floating into my head and out of it, like I’m swimming deep in the sea in a flock of jelly fishes.