I leave the office at 22:00 cause of a big presentation tomorrow. As I spill my self pitying awareness into the dark street something is uplifted, not that I’m in less pain or less disturbed then before but suddenly I feel a sort of a self excepting happiness, I’m remembering a line of Leonrad Cohen that goes “we are ugly, but we have the music” - My emotions are starting to take their proper place in me again, not my sister’s or the one of a friend who was calling all morning telling me how stress she is about her upcoming wedding, not those or my mother or people I barely know or care for - mine.
I’m walking home tonight even though it’s already late and it’s over and hour walk, I missed this city at night, I haven’t walked it’s streets alone for over a week which is longer then eternity right now.
Projecting outside like light - happiness, I sing with the MP3 player, first very quietly, then out load from the top of my Lungs a very sweet music, romantic but still very simple
I gave myself to sin
I gave myself to providence
And I’ve been there and back again
The state that I am in
- Belle and Sebastian, The state that I am in
I walk past the Azriely building and into dark Retach Tikva road, making a turn at Shonzinu street past strippers joint and heavy metal clubs, then continue on Ha’masger, which bars are all open, and people walk the street in fancy suits and backless dresses. But I don’t care, I don’t see them even, they are just a scenery, the city’s just a scenery today, to my emotions and thought, and the sunset yellow happiness turns into pink sugar joy, and from there to bike red pride, joy and pride, and I walk past the vampire’s bar and don’t even feel like going in cause I can already sense that death and blood aura in the air.