She’s saying it’s the most romantic story she ever heard in her life, she say it’s a good story to tell the grandchildren, I’m telling her that I need tickets to get their first. I get more and more hyper and careless as I talk to her, this whole scene, the most public place becoming personal, the most personal emotions screamed out into public. After 20 minutes or so and though I’m paying a lot more then I expected but don’t really even care anymore. It’s done, I give her my credit card number, she said she’ll send my the papers in e-mail and that’s that.
I’m thinking of the story I have if in 10 years ago someone asks me where have you been in the 10 year Rabin memorial, I’m thinking about how in both dates, both back then and now, I’m one step away from a big change in life, of becoming a different person, wanting different things. Changing. I’m thinking how Israeli it is to have my personal life mix in that bitter sweet way with the global, with the national and political. How strange it is to stand in the most Israel location - Rabin square in the middle of Tel-Aviv on Rabin 10 memorial day and think about reelecting, moving to another country, and how distances, closeness and countries and boundaries changed in the past 10 years so that I find myself in love with a person I’ve never met before. How the world’s changing that way, and how I’m one of it’s pioneers or victims. I’m scared about realizing this was all a stupid fantasy the moment I see him in the airport and about realizing it’s not. I’m scared about spending that much money I’m afraid about telling the people at work I’m going on a 2 weeks long vacation, something I’ve never done before and knowing they wouldn’t be too happy about it. I’m scared about telling my parents and still trying to decide whether to tell them why I’m going on this vacation.
On the way back, my friend tells me that if I’ll move to New York, he will probably wouldn’t stay in touch, he say it’ll be too painful not to be as close as we are now. I’m telling him I’m not thinking about this, that right now, I’m focusing on the practical problems, on getting that ticket sorted of checking my passport and getting on a plane and such. That I’m not thinking what will happened if things does work as well as I want them to work. But we can’t avoid it and we talk about it all the same. I feel guilty, like I’m leaving him for the second time like I did 10 years ago.