I’m going to the movies with my sister and a friend, out sits are way in the back, we wait till the hall darkens and move to the second row, just a head of me, in first row sites that guy I dated about 7 or 8 months ago, the one that was all crazy about me, then disappeared the first moment the so called relationship forced him to act like a grown up. The one that had sex with me while having a hickey he got from someone else, the one I desperately trying to fall for but felt nothing, the one that thought me one of the most important lessons about love - Even if someone’s all excited about me, isn’t a good enough reason to want to be with them. And also - Love isn’t a good enough reason to try and hide myself just to be loved or liked.
He looks exactly the same, same Tim Burton big eyes and pale skin, same way of sitting by himself in the cinema, I think about how the only reason I wanted to love him was that I was already in love with someone else and trying desperately not to have to shift my life entirely for the sake of love. I think of how he wanted to see me all pure and clean, without a past, a perfect girl rather then a real person. I feel sad for him and embarrassed for myself, like seeing a picture of myself playing with dolls or dressed is a silly costume. I can’t even understand how I ever found him attractive.
I still feel a small victory when he get out of the cinema 5 minutes before the movie ended just to avoid having to show that he notice me.